Curvilicious

The sun tickles our noses and thousands of people in the metropolis go into diet frenzy. Google is consulted in search for the quickest way to make half your body disappear. Calories are counted faster than you can say fat.

Co-workers start skipping into the office with green slush in fancy containers showing off the latest weight monitoring app. This dieting thing is for people who can sit all day. Imagine working in a job that requires muscle power. You couldn’t just look at yogurt and call it breakfast, then work without collapsing. A diet kills people, slowly from the inside. Whilst you commit this prolonged suicide you turn on the people around you.

During diet season all fun disappears, boring zombies are created. When you meet your friends for dinner, they will tell you they didn’t eat all day so that they can be allowed to eat now. Allowed? How old are you? 4? Or they say they only want light dinner meaning a carrot waved over parmesan. Sprinkled with air, for the aroma. Same goes for when you invite people for brunch. One person will tell you, they are intermittent fasting and can’t eat till 2pm, the next person can’t eat dairy, another one won’t eat anything white. Just stay home and chew water.

The masochists of the metropolis rush to boot camp, weight loss programmes or fat burning classes to be shouted at, embarrassed and shamed. Why? If this happened to a child, we would all be calling social services, yet we let it happen to ourselves. Crazy. And worse still, we pay for it.

I suppose it’s not really a surprise in a culture driven by influencers and celebrities. They filter out their natural curves, hire nutritionists, personal trainers and chefs to look as if they have no access to food. Some folk might think they need to reduce their body fat. I say no. Keep the curves. They are an investment into your safety and happiness.

Think about it. You are less likely to get kidnapped. A kidnapper wants to make money. They don’t want to spend it on your food to keep you alive whilst waiting for the ransom. Ladies attract potential partners via their curves. It’s evolution. A skinny chef doesn’t look legit. You can’t trust them. Right? The higher your BMI, the more likely your friends will enjoy coming to your house, knowing there will be proper food, not those light or calorie reduced, taste bud killing bites, but real munchies.

I suggest, keep your money. Do not hand it over to the industry that turns us grumpy. Those mind twisters will buy themselves a mansion from the cash you throw away for diet products, monitoring apps and weight loss programmes. They don’t do this because they care, they want to build a kitchen extension. Ha, how ironic. They stop you from eating, so that they can eat more and better.

Let the smoothie police hang out with the white egg omelette squad and continue to indulge in high calorie food. Chuck the scales out of the window and wobble your curves. Hm, let me overthink this…

#curvilicious #observationsfromthemetropolis #felicityfauxpas #diet

2 thoughts on “Curvilicious

    1. I don’t know. I am not a guy, so have no idea. Looking around my neighbourhood, I don’t think any of the guys feel any pressure. 🤣

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