Soft opening, hard bill

Remember the old days when we used to enjoy feeding time in places that where not associated with our own kitchen? One thing I don’t miss is the invention of fake queues outside restaurants across the metropolis. You had to queue, not because there was some freebie to be had, no, no, no! It’s because restaurants won’t let you book a table. This would be too easy, too common sense and no we don’t do that. Common sense is so last century! We would rather make sure people stand outside our restaurants, so we can pretend everyone fancies our food and we are so hot.

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In those days you had to turn up and a 20something underpaid art student with green hair would jump at you with an iPad. They would excitedly ask you how they could help. Then, with a huge and insincere grin they would announce that there was a 50 minute wait. What is this rubbish? 50 minutes before you are seated, then add another 30 before you start eating. I call bullshit. Anyone who wants to take me to those places, no thanks, unless you turn up 80 minutes before you want to eat. Call me once you have a table. What a terrible waste of people’s time. But that wasn’t the only craze that drove me back to my own pots and recipe books.

The other madness to be found: soft openings. There used to be many soft openings in the metropolis. I was intrigued by the words soft opening. It sounded naughty. It sounded enjoyable. So, when I was told we were going to a soft opening, I thought hell yeah, I am going. Then I found out, it’s when a restaurant opens, or in this case re-opens after the chef, manager, cleaner, whoever changed. And during soft opening stuff is a bit cheaper. Until you arrive and you notice why everything is cheaper, it’s because it’s smaller, too. You have to order more. Ha, clever move this soft opening. To be honest, it’s a big pile of leftover garbage. Just open the bloody restaurant without some fancy pretend launch. It’s only food after all. Hm, let me overthink this …

#softopening #overpriced #fancyfood#letmeoverthinkthis#felicityfauxpas

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